The only thing that could make said sticker better? A massive grammatical error.
It should go without saying that I am very impressed by the owner of this truck:
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Showing posts with label Rantings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rantings. Show all posts
Monday, April 16, 2012
Your so funny.
Few things make more sense than plastering the back window of a truck (or any vehicle) with a giant, ugly sticker. In fact, the uglier, the better - it's not like people will ever see it.
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Thursday, February 9, 2012
Silent Killer
There are a lot of things not to like about the internet (like the fact that it makes things too convenient1), but wanna know what I love about the internet? It is a place of truth2. Sometimes there is so much truth spewing out of the internet that I wonder why it isn't called the truthnet.
However, occasionally - and don't let this shock you - lies will creep onto the internet. Take this ad for instance:
I have heard snoring called a lot of things - in fact, I have called snoring a lot of things - but silent has never been on of them.
(In case you are wondering, no, I am not going to address that hideous mask-like-contraption... too easy)
If you google silent killer you will find references to things like carbon monoxide exposure, high blood pressure, hypertension, diabetes, etc; you will even see this simple definition for silent killer, "Many diseases are silent killers in that they are silent (no symptoms or only vague symptoms), and that they are deadly."
Whoever made this ad is exactly half right3. Snoring is asilent killer (see sleep apnea). Silent? Not so much; according to wikipedia (the ultimate source of truth4), "snoring is the vibration of respiratory structures and the resulting sound". Basically, if you are silent, you aren't snoring.
I will let Toby tell you about the real silent killer:
1 - Special thanks to Amazon Prime and Zappos; shopping has never been easier. I don't know why I ever go to stores anymore... Christmas shopping this year was a breeze.
2 - uh, this should be read with a sarcastic tone...
3 - Literally half correct. 12 characters in the term silent killer - 6 are true, 6 are false. 4 syllables - 2 are true, 2 are false.
4 - See note 2
However, occasionally - and don't let this shock you - lies will creep onto the internet. Take this ad for instance:
(In case you are wondering, no, I am not going to address that hideous mask-like-contraption... too easy)
If you google silent killer you will find references to things like carbon monoxide exposure, high blood pressure, hypertension, diabetes, etc; you will even see this simple definition for silent killer, "Many diseases are silent killers in that they are silent (no symptoms or only vague symptoms), and that they are deadly."
Whoever made this ad is exactly half right3. Snoring is a
I will let Toby tell you about the real silent killer:
1 - Special thanks to Amazon Prime and Zappos; shopping has never been easier. I don't know why I ever go to stores anymore... Christmas shopping this year was a breeze.
2 - uh, this should be read with a sarcastic tone...
3 - Literally half correct. 12 characters in the term silent killer - 6 are true, 6 are false. 4 syllables - 2 are true, 2 are false.
4 - See note 2
Monday, October 10, 2011
Dear Kylee, I am sorry that the public school system failed you...
On November 5th last year, my friend Kylee authored a blog post about how she hates Thanksgiving and attributed most of the hatred to the fact that Christopher Columbus is remember too fondly by history and really wasn't a good guy. However, myself and several other people pointed out that, while Columbus may not have been a great dude, Thanksgiving is not a holiday to celebrate Christopher Columbus (that's what Columbus Day is for); Thanksgiving is about giving thanks (if only we gave our holidays more obvious names, then we wouldn't have these confusions).
Well, once that was pointed out, her blog post became much, much shorter and without mention of Columbus. (This is why I have a love/hate relationship with the internet... anyone* can publish anything and then change later to cover up damning (or embarrassing) evidence).
Well Kylee, today - October 10, 2011 - is Columbus Day; if there is any day to post your beef with Chris Columbus, this is probably it. Or you can wait until Thanksgiving again.
*Case in point - I have a blog.
Well, once that was pointed out, her blog post became much, much shorter and without mention of Columbus. (This is why I have a love/hate relationship with the internet... anyone* can publish anything and then change later to cover up damning (or embarrassing) evidence).
Well Kylee, today - October 10, 2011 - is Columbus Day; if there is any day to post your beef with Chris Columbus, this is probably it. Or you can wait until Thanksgiving again.
*Case in point - I have a blog.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
What Would GQ Do?
Last week I received my latest issue of GQ, which isn't all that exciting except for the fact that I found this little gem:
Above is a blurb which reads as follows:
Dear Mr. Will Welch:
RE: "Just Say No to Rapper Headphones"
I do not disagree with your sentiments that people shouldn't just buy something because someone famous endorses it. But do you not find it even the slightest bit absurd or incongruent** for you, an employee of GQ magazine - a magazine whose sole purpose is to tell men what they should and should not buy and wear - are telling people not to be "followers" in what they wear and buy? If people really were to simply ask themselves "What would I do?" in the area of fashion and accessories, wouldn't you be out of a job?
Why not just call a spade a spade and say, "...If you're still chasing rapper-endorsed status symbols in 2011, it's time to re-up on your GQ subscription and quit asking yourself, 'What would Jay-Z do?' and start asking, 'What would GQ tell me to do?'"?
Sincerely,
Kenny
P.S. - GQ, once my free 1-year subscription to your magazine is up, I will not be renewing. I just want to make that clear upfront, so as not to be accused of sending mixed signals later.
** - Did you know that the definition for "incongruent" is "not congruent". Talk about a useless definition. Thanks Merriam-Webster!
Above is a blurb which reads as follows:
Just Say No to Rapper HeadphonesClearly, the only way for me to address this is an open letter to Billy himself...
Props to Dr. Dre, who recently hit upon the only thing a rapper hadn't yet shilled: headphones. Beats by Dre has been a runaway success, and now 50 Cent and Ludacris are hocking headgear. But c'mon, y'all -- this isn't 1998, when dudes rocked Wallabees to be like Wu-Tang. If you're still chasing rapper-endorsed status symbols in 2011, it's time to quit asking yourself, "What would Jay-Z do?" and start asking, "What would I do?" -Will Welch
Dear Mr. Will Welch:
RE: "Just Say No to Rapper Headphones"
I do not disagree with your sentiments that people shouldn't just buy something because someone famous endorses it. But do you not find it even the slightest bit absurd or incongruent** for you, an employee of GQ magazine - a magazine whose sole purpose is to tell men what they should and should not buy and wear - are telling people not to be "followers" in what they wear and buy? If people really were to simply ask themselves "What would I do?" in the area of fashion and accessories, wouldn't you be out of a job?
Why not just call a spade a spade and say, "...If you're still chasing rapper-endorsed status symbols in 2011, it's time to re-up on your GQ subscription and quit asking yourself, 'What would Jay-Z do?' and start asking, 'What would GQ tell me to do?'"?
Sincerely,
Kenny
P.S. - GQ, once my free 1-year subscription to your magazine is up, I will not be renewing. I just want to make that clear upfront, so as not to be accused of sending mixed signals later.
** - Did you know that the definition for "incongruent" is "not congruent". Talk about a useless definition. Thanks Merriam-Webster!
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Nobody will Notice... Right?
When you're looking for a tattoo artist, do you worry about little things like the ability to spell? Because if I were having something indelibly inked onto my body (which I wouldn't), I would want the person doing the inking to have a steady hand and be able to spell.
Which is why I wouldn't go to this place:
That's right, "Forever Yours Tatto".
And in case you are wondering, you're right, the word tattoo should have two "O"s.
Some of you are probably saying, "but Kenny, it probably had both 'O's and someone stole one." Yeah, you may be right, but if I owned museum called "The History of Homo Sapiens" and somebody removed the letters "apiens" from the company van, I would not let anyone drive around in a van that said:
1. Think long and hard before doing it, because chances are it won't look good. Even if the above example was devoid of spelling errors, it is still an ugly sticker on an old, nasty van. If you can do something that is well designed, looks classy, and is on a nice car, then maybe you can pull it off.
2. Once part of it starts to go, then all of it has to go.
3. Again, probably not a great idea. See rule #1.
Which is why I wouldn't go to this place:
That's right, "Forever Yours Tatto".
And in case you are wondering, you're right, the word tattoo should have two "O"s.
Some of you are probably saying, "but Kenny, it probably had both 'O's and someone stole one." Yeah, you may be right, but if I owned museum called "The History of Homo Sapiens" and somebody removed the letters "apiens" from the company van, I would not let anyone drive around in a van that said:
The History of Homo SI would either get new letters or remove them all. Which brings me to my rules of advertising on your car:
1. Think long and hard before doing it, because chances are it won't look good. Even if the above example was devoid of spelling errors, it is still an ugly sticker on an old, nasty van. If you can do something that is well designed, looks classy, and is on a nice car, then maybe you can pull it off.
2. Once part of it starts to go, then all of it has to go.
3. Again, probably not a great idea. See rule #1.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
You didn't think I would miss a Marketing Wednesday, did you?
I am not a fan of hyperbole (hy·per·bo·le : extravagant exaggeration); especially when they are actually just flat out lies.
Here are 2 examples:
This is an ad on the window of the Relax the Back store. I worry about their understanding of the word "true". When I envision "experiencing true zero gravity", I picture myself floating in the air; not sitting in a chair with gravity holding me in that chair.
Here is an idea, why not just say:
FYI. There is gravity in space. It just has less force.
Moving on...
I saw this poster in the DMV (btw, I waited until the last possible day to get my license renewed before having to re-take the test; I don't recommend that action for anyone).
Our dear friends in the DMV are trying to encourage people to donate their organs. I support that. I don't support such a loose definition of the word "never". My grandmother is 87 years old and therefore is too old to donate. But I thought you were never too old to donate? I am confused... are people never too old to donate? Or can they donate up to the age of 80? Which is it?
Apparently, you are never too old to donate... unless you are too old to donate.
Actually, I can get behind this definition of "never".
I never cut class in high school.
I've never lied.
I've never been wrong.
I've never broken the speed limit.
(except for the times I did or was.)
Thanks Utah... and sorry to all the old people who got their hopes up that they could contribute to a better world.
Here are 2 examples:
This is an ad on the window of the Relax the Back store. I worry about their understanding of the word "true". When I envision "experiencing true zero gravity", I picture myself floating in the air; not sitting in a chair with gravity holding me in that chair.
Here is an idea, why not just say:
Experience zero gravityor
Experience the comfort of zero gravityBesides, zero gravity sounds fun and all - and I would love to go into space - but I don't associate that with a relaxed back.
FYI. There is gravity in space. It just has less force.
Moving on...
I saw this poster in the DMV (btw, I waited until the last possible day to get my license renewed before having to re-take the test; I don't recommend that action for anyone).
Our dear friends in the DMV are trying to encourage people to donate their organs. I support that. I don't support such a loose definition of the word "never". My grandmother is 87 years old and therefore is too old to donate. But I thought you were never too old to donate? I am confused... are people never too old to donate? Or can they donate up to the age of 80? Which is it?
Apparently, you are never too old to donate... unless you are too old to donate.
Actually, I can get behind this definition of "never".
I never cut class in high school.
I've never lied.
I've never been wrong.
I've never broken the speed limit.
(except for the times I did or was.)
Thanks Utah... and sorry to all the old people who got their hopes up that they could contribute to a better world.
Friday, February 25, 2011
140 Charaters... Unless Otherwise Stated.
We are all familiar with Twitter - it is like a mini-blog or a site of nothing but facebook statuses. You can follow people and they can follow you. It has become a powerful social networking tool.
The thing that makes twitter especially unique is the fact that each tweet can only be 140 characters; this is a concept and feature that they have touted and marketed and used to separate themselves from others. In fact, when Twitter won awards at the South by Southwest Festival in 2007, the company's acceptance speech was less than 140 characters
On Twitter, like most social networking sites, each user has a profile that they can maintain:
Notice, unlike your posts, your profile can be a whopping 160 characters.
What do I say to this? BOOO!
It would be one thing if the profile had no limit or an obscenely high limit, but twitter is built around the number 140, why would they give an extra 20 characters for the profile? Lame.
The thing that makes twitter especially unique is the fact that each tweet can only be 140 characters; this is a concept and feature that they have touted and marketed and used to separate themselves from others. In fact, when Twitter won awards at the South by Southwest Festival in 2007, the company's acceptance speech was less than 140 characters
On Twitter, like most social networking sites, each user has a profile that they can maintain:
Notice, unlike your posts, your profile can be a whopping 160 characters.
It would be one thing if the profile had no limit or an obscenely high limit, but twitter is built around the number 140, why would they give an extra 20 characters for the profile? Lame.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Timing Matters
Perhaps you noticed some Black Friday ads on the Saturday and Sunday following Thanksgiving. And perhaps, like me, you said to yourself, "that is dumb, Black Friday has come and gone. They need to remove these ads quicker."
It was even worse after Christmas. On December 26th, I noticed a lot of TV and radio ads for "the perfect Christmas gift", which was really helpful because I was looking for the perfect Christmas gift... except, Christmas was over. It was funny on the 26th, but it was downright annoying by the 30th. So imagine how I felt when I saw a billboard last week for the Ultimate Christmas radio station. We are halfway through January!
Don't these people know that timing is everything? But, hey, any publicity is good publicity, right? Wrong. Sometimes you actually can be noticed for the wrong thing. (Don't even get me started on that annoying guy who does the State Farm commercials...)
Yesterday (January 19th) I was in my local Wells Fargo and saw a stack of these fliers on the table where you fill out your deposit slip:
Why are they leaving fliers out for an offer that is over by 10 days? How hard is it to just throw them in the trash?
Now to the mother-of-all timing fails - I took these pictures at a local gas station on January 5th:
I know... it really is hard to look at. And it hurts no one more than me to have to show such gruesome images. There are some of you saying right now, "my goodness! At the time you took that picture, that ad should've been down for 86 days" and you almost right. It was actually 87 days.
Is the sign down now? I don't know. You think I can stomach fueling there? If they don't even bother to change the ads, imagine the last time the bathroom was cleaned or the hot dogs were changed.
Listen people: Timing matters.
It was even worse after Christmas. On December 26th, I noticed a lot of TV and radio ads for "the perfect Christmas gift", which was really helpful because I was looking for the perfect Christmas gift... except, Christmas was over. It was funny on the 26th, but it was downright annoying by the 30th. So imagine how I felt when I saw a billboard last week for the Ultimate Christmas radio station. We are halfway through January!
Don't these people know that timing is everything? But, hey, any publicity is good publicity, right? Wrong. Sometimes you actually can be noticed for the wrong thing. (Don't even get me started on that annoying guy who does the State Farm commercials...)
Yesterday (January 19th) I was in my local Wells Fargo and saw a stack of these fliers on the table where you fill out your deposit slip:
Why are they leaving fliers out for an offer that is over by 10 days? How hard is it to just throw them in the trash?
Now to the mother-of-all timing fails - I took these pictures at a local gas station on January 5th:
I know... it really is hard to look at. And it hurts no one more than me to have to show such gruesome images. There are some of you saying right now, "my goodness! At the time you took that picture, that ad should've been down for 86 days" and you almost right. It was actually 87 days.
Is the sign down now? I don't know. You think I can stomach fueling there? If they don't even bother to change the ads, imagine the last time the bathroom was cleaned or the hot dogs were changed.
Listen people: Timing matters.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Hey you, give me money!
Here is your late edition of Marketing Wednesday. One of the keys to marketing is giving someone a reason to do something that (they think) benefits them. You would never hear salesperson say, "I think you should buy this piece of junk so that I can get the commission off of it." They may be thinking it, but they won't say it if they want to be successful.
Also, there should be some level of specificity in your marketing. If you are selling woman's clothing, you don't try to get teenage boys into your store. You market to women and people buying things for women.
Apparently, who ever was in charge of signage at this gas station did not know either of those things.
1. Give me a reason to by that benefits me.
2. Be specific.
Also, there should be some level of specificity in your marketing. If you are selling woman's clothing, you don't try to get teenage boys into your store. You market to women and people buying things for women.
Apparently, who ever was in charge of signage at this gas station did not know either of those things.
Dear Chevron by my house,Tips for today:
This does not make my want to stop and buy anything from you. I asked myself 2 things when I saw this: What and Why? Which is exactly what you should have been selling me. I feel like almost anything would have been better.
"You worked hard today and deserve a treat! Candy Bars 4 for $1"
"Need a boost? All fountain drinks $0.99"
Are those good ideas? Not really, but in 15 seconds I came up with something better than what you have.
-Kenny
1. Give me a reason to by that benefits me.
2. Be specific.
Monday, December 13, 2010
A Revolt Against the English Language
I have a love/hate relationship with the English language. I love it because it is the only language I speak and I hate it for almost every other reason. For instance, in the following sentence, the word "right" has four different meanings:
I don't like them one bit.
Just last week a friend and I were chatting on Google Talk. She knew I was working on a huge project at work and trying to get ready for finals at the same time:
Now some may say, "Kenny, be reasonable - all languages have there quirks, there isn't any language that would make you totally happy. And, besides, there are a lot of good things about English that you haven't acknowledged." And to that I would respond, "Don't be ridiculous. There is no room for reason in today's world. What kind of a blogger would I be if I didn't make impulsive, snap judgments based on half-truths and then declare them to be law? I'll tell you what kind of a blogger I would be - a bad one. If you want reason, you are in the wrong era. With the internet and media options we have today, we don't have to be reasonable nor listen to reasonable people."
So there you have it. I hate English and you should too.
"I have the right to turn right right there, right?"It could be re-written as:
"I am allowed to turn right exactly there, correct?"They mean the same thing. It could be an Abbott and Costello routine.
Guy #1: "So I take the next left?"I know what you are thinking to yourself, "Kenny, what about words that sound the same, but aren't spelled the same; how do you feel about those?"
Guy #2: "Right."
#1: "Wait... I take the next right?"
#2: "No, you take the next left."
#1: "That is exactly what I said. I take the next left."
#2: "Right."
#1: "Now hold on there buster; you said I take the next left!"
#2: "Right."
#1: "Well what is it? Left or Right?"
#2: "Left."
#1: "Well then why on earth do you keep saying, 'right', when I ask if I am turning left?!?!?"
#2: "Because it's right."
#1: "But you said I have to turn left!"
#2: "Exactly! take your next left."
#1: "That is your final answer... Take the next left?"
#2: "Right."
#1: "Why I oughta... If I weren't driving this daggum car, I'd come over there and punch you square in the nose!!!"
#2: "what is your problem? You ask the question, I give the answer: take the next left."
#1: "You are sticking with left this time?"
#2: "Right"
I don't like them one bit.
Just last week a friend and I were chatting on Google Talk. She knew I was working on a huge project at work and trying to get ready for finals at the same time:
Friend: How are things going?Don't get me wrong... we both had a good chuckle because - lets face it - that was a pretty hilarious response. But still - I hate English.
Kenny: Ok... right of passage, right?
Friend: um... rite of passage? right?
Kenny: ewe no how two sea wright thru me
Now some may say, "Kenny, be reasonable - all languages have there quirks, there isn't any language that would make you totally happy. And, besides, there are a lot of good things about English that you haven't acknowledged." And to that I would respond, "Don't be ridiculous. There is no room for reason in today's world. What kind of a blogger would I be if I didn't make impulsive, snap judgments based on half-truths and then declare them to be law? I'll tell you what kind of a blogger I would be - a bad one. If you want reason, you are in the wrong era. With the internet and media options we have today, we don't have to be reasonable nor listen to reasonable people."
So there you have it. I hate English and you should too.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Pinstripes.
I am in the market for a new suit (my last suit and I had a good run - almost 4 years), but I have been putting off the purchase because of the cost. However, it is time to bite the bullet, so I began looking on Men's Wearhouse's website to see what it is going to run me.
What I would really like to do is get a suit and also a sports coat that goes with the some slacks I already have. As I was looking into this idea, I found this piece of fashion advice on the Men's Wearhouse site (emphasis added):
But wait... what is this:
That is a pinstriped sports coat on the Men's Wearhouse website! Trust me, no one was more surprised and hurt than me. No one.
Apparently, what they really meant when they said:
What can we as a people learn from this? Well, I think the lesson is clear: Absolutely never use absolutes.
What I would really like to do is get a suit and also a sports coat that goes with the some slacks I already have. As I was looking into this idea, I found this piece of fashion advice on the Men's Wearhouse site (emphasis added):
The pinstripe ruleJust so we are clear, pinstripe and sports coats do not go together. Got it? Good.
Pinstripe sport coats or pants? They just don't happen. Look around any reputable clothier, and while you'll see a large selection of patterned sport coats, you won't see pinstriped sport coats as pinstripes are a very conservative pattern made just for suits.
But wait... what is this:
That is a pinstriped sports coat on the Men's Wearhouse website! Trust me, no one was more surprised and hurt than me. No one.
Apparently, what they really meant when they said:
...you won't see pinstriped sport coats...was:
...you won't see pinstriped sport coats - unless, of course, you are looking on our website...I just don't know what to think anymore. Does this mean sports coats with pinstripes are in or out?
What can we as a people learn from this? Well, I think the lesson is clear: Absolutely never use absolutes.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Art of the Asterisk
So, before I get to the heart for this blog post, I apparently cannot post to my blog more than 9 times in a month. I thought this was going to be the month, but I was wrong. Maybe December...
Anyhow, I tend to talk a lot on this blog about things I don't like - because those are the easiest to notice in life and make fun of on a blog - but I am not really that negative of a person, so today I bring you something I don't like and something I do like.
I don't like when people misuse asterisks. I was listening to pandora the other day and beheld this ad:
Here we have VW advertising their new Jetta for $15,995. But it is not really $15,995, it is $15,995* - which means there should be fine print saying that if you want the car to come with seats, a steering wheel, and the engine; it is really more like $25,000. We have all gotten used to the system: you see an * and you immediately look to the bottom of the page for the explanation. But, in the above image, there is no explanation. There is nothing. Nowhere on that page can I find out what the asterisk means.
Then today I was reading a great blog post on desertnews.com and was asterisk-ed again. I read:
Here is what I am thinking:
The first asterisk in the above image is a reference to the second asterisk, but that makes no sense. The asterisk should either reference a note at the end of the article or the end of the section it is in. If he wanted it to be end of the section, it would have been like this:
With all of that said, here are: Kenny's Rules for Asterisks*
1. There always has to be an explanation. Always.
2. The explanation must be at the end of the same section or the bottom of the page.
3. The explanation must be in smaller type and italics.
I do like when people encourage others to visit my blog:
Props to Steve-o.
*I feel like with all of the talk of asterisks, there needs to be something down here. Enjoy the Christmas season which is now in full swing!
Anyhow, I tend to talk a lot on this blog about things I don't like - because those are the easiest to notice in life and make fun of on a blog - but I am not really that negative of a person, so today I bring you something I don't like and something I do like.
I don't like when people misuse asterisks. I was listening to pandora the other day and beheld this ad:
Here we have VW advertising their new Jetta for $15,995. But it is not really $15,995, it is $15,995* - which means there should be fine print saying that if you want the car to come with seats, a steering wheel, and the engine; it is really more like $25,000. We have all gotten used to the system: you see an * and you immediately look to the bottom of the page for the explanation. But, in the above image, there is no explanation. There is nothing. Nowhere on that page can I find out what the asterisk means.
Then today I was reading a great blog post on desertnews.com and was asterisk-ed again. I read:
The seven teams' records before losing to the Jazz: 41-24*and immediately went to the bottom of the page to find out what that meant, but there was nothing there. Nothing. What does the asterisk mean?!?
Here is what I am thinking:
The first asterisk in the above image is a reference to the second asterisk, but that makes no sense. The asterisk should either reference a note at the end of the article or the end of the section it is in. If he wanted it to be end of the section, it would have been like this:
With all of that said, here are: Kenny's Rules for Asterisks*
1. There always has to be an explanation. Always.
2. The explanation must be at the end of the same section or the bottom of the page.
3. The explanation must be in smaller type and italics.
I do like when people encourage others to visit my blog:
Props to Steve-o.
*I feel like with all of the talk of asterisks, there needs to be something down here. Enjoy the Christmas season which is now in full swing!
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Marketing Wednesday: Ugly Signs and iPhones
Today's post will feature 2 lessons.
Lesson One: if you are a marketing company, don't put this handmade sign on your door:
Lesson Two: if you see a sign like the above, take a picture of it with your iPhone just as an employee comes around the corner. It won't be awkward, I promise. And, in less than an hour, that sign will turn into this:
Seriously though, I was in an office building and saw an office suite with the sign from the first photo on the door. I knew it would come in handy, so, after looking around to make sure no one would see, I took a picture. Right then an employee walked around the corner and caught me. It was very awkward. But, about an hour later, I left and the new sign was up. The power of the iPhone.
Lesson One: if you are a marketing company, don't put this handmade sign on your door:
Lesson Two: if you see a sign like the above, take a picture of it with your iPhone just as an employee comes around the corner. It won't be awkward, I promise. And, in less than an hour, that sign will turn into this:
Seriously though, I was in an office building and saw an office suite with the sign from the first photo on the door. I knew it would come in handy, so, after looking around to make sure no one would see, I took a picture. Right then an employee walked around the corner and caught me. It was very awkward. But, about an hour later, I left and the new sign was up. The power of the iPhone.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Marketing Wednesday: Monsters
Some advice is just too good to pay for. That is why Al Gore invented the internet. And, more importantly, that is why this blog exists. In fact, take a moment and think of all the valuable things that I have taught you - I'll wait.
Done? No? Okay, I'll wait more.
Alright, I am sure you aren't quite done, but I must insist that we move on.
It turns out, I am a marketing genius. I am sure you are thinking to yourself, "Really? This site is just like every other blog out there - not very good and not very well known." Well, that is the image that I worked very hard to achieve to avoid becoming too rich and too famous (although, that plan may have worked too well, so maybe you could forward this URL to your friends and post it on facebook). Nevertheless, it is true: I am a marketing guru - my middle name is, in fact, Marketing** - and I want to pass that guru-ness on to you. To that end, I introduce to you "Marketing Wednesdays: A Mini-series of Marketing Fails". This will run for at least 4 or 5 weeks.
This week: Monsters.
Remember the good ol' days when fancy, computer-animated monsters on advertisements were the ultimate sign of professionalism and prestige? Especially in the dental profession? Yeah, me neither. But apparently Dr. Dan does:
Sorry, Dr. Dan, but telling me about how great you are at pulling monsters' teeth and having a monster's testimonial does not increase the chances of me coming to visit you. In fact, I am now less likely to visit you.
Here is the thing, my dog's vet did a great job removing my dog's kidney stones, but if I were to get kidney stones, I would go to a people doctor. If my monster has a toothache, I will go to Dr. Dan; if I have a toothache, I will go to a people dentist.
Also, I hate when people go by Dr. [first name here]. It feels... wrong.
Finally, props to BSB and his iPhone for sending in the picture of Dr. Dan's ad.
**My middle name may or may not actually be Mark. But who is counting.
Done? No? Okay, I'll wait more.
Alright, I am sure you aren't quite done, but I must insist that we move on.
It turns out, I am a marketing genius. I am sure you are thinking to yourself, "Really? This site is just like every other blog out there - not very good and not very well known." Well, that is the image that I worked very hard to achieve to avoid becoming too rich and too famous (although, that plan may have worked too well, so maybe you could forward this URL to your friends and post it on facebook). Nevertheless, it is true: I am a marketing guru - my middle name is, in fact, Marketing** - and I want to pass that guru-ness on to you. To that end, I introduce to you "Marketing Wednesdays: A Mini-series of Marketing Fails". This will run for at least 4 or 5 weeks.
This week: Monsters.
Remember the good ol' days when fancy, computer-animated monsters on advertisements were the ultimate sign of professionalism and prestige? Especially in the dental profession? Yeah, me neither. But apparently Dr. Dan does:
Sorry, Dr. Dan, but telling me about how great you are at pulling monsters' teeth and having a monster's testimonial does not increase the chances of me coming to visit you. In fact, I am now less likely to visit you.
Here is the thing, my dog's vet did a great job removing my dog's kidney stones, but if I were to get kidney stones, I would go to a people doctor. If my monster has a toothache, I will go to Dr. Dan; if I have a toothache, I will go to a people dentist.
Also, I hate when people go by Dr. [first name here]. It feels... wrong.
Finally, props to BSB and his iPhone for sending in the picture of Dr. Dan's ad.
**My middle name may or may not actually be Mark. But who is counting.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Birthdays
So, I recently celebrated my birthday... actually, I didn't really celebrate it - I merely acknowledged it - but my friends and family recognized, which was nice.
However, I received several Birthday emails from corporations. This I am not a fan of. In fact, I don't like it at all.
This is a foupon (that is word I just created for faux-coupon) that Gold's Gym sent me. This was their "birthday present" to me. Guess what Gold's Gym? I wouldn't have gone to the gym that day anyway. And I wouldn't have felt bad about it.
However, let me tell you of a birthday marketing scheme that worked. When I turned 16 Gillette sent me a Mach-3 razor and shaving cream for my birthday. This was no crappy disposable razor, nor was it a coupon for a razor. It was the real deal. A box that said Happy Birthday and a quality razor. There are few things that will win a 16 year old over like pretending they need to start shaving. I have been a Gillette man ever since. Never bought a Schick in my life.
While we are on the subject, I also have a bone to pick with facebook. (Actually, I have a lot of bones to pick with facebook, but we will stick to one for now). I am not great with remembering peoples names - it is not my strong suit, however, I can remember dates and numbers fairly well. So, up until facebook, I stood out for my ability to remember people's birth dates. Now? Nothing. Everyone assumes facebook reminds me. Quite frankly, I have considered putting a fake birthday on facebook out of spite just to throw people off.
However, I received several Birthday emails from corporations. This I am not a fan of. In fact, I don't like it at all.
Dear Corporation(s):This is exactly the junk I am talking about:
"You" didn't remember my birthday, "you" stored it in a database and had a program that generated an email on a given day. Furthermore, the only reason that "you" did it was to convince me buy your product or service. No thanks; I am now less likely to support you (just like politicians with poorly designed lawn signs). Unless you are sending me more than a crappy email, I don't want it.
Sincerely,
Kenny
However, let me tell you of a birthday marketing scheme that worked. When I turned 16 Gillette sent me a Mach-3 razor and shaving cream for my birthday. This was no crappy disposable razor, nor was it a coupon for a razor. It was the real deal. A box that said Happy Birthday and a quality razor. There are few things that will win a 16 year old over like pretending they need to start shaving. I have been a Gillette man ever since. Never bought a Schick in my life.
While we are on the subject, I also have a bone to pick with facebook. (Actually, I have a lot of bones to pick with facebook, but we will stick to one for now). I am not great with remembering peoples names - it is not my strong suit, however, I can remember dates and numbers fairly well. So, up until facebook, I stood out for my ability to remember people's birth dates. Now? Nothing. Everyone assumes facebook reminds me. Quite frankly, I have considered putting a fake birthday on facebook out of spite just to throw people off.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Another Day, Another Fortune Cookie
So, I had Panda Express for lunch today (FYI - they are still not serving Panda and have not yet changed their name; sorry to all of you that are waiting for one of those two things to happen).
My fortune today?
First of all, I have a hard time with a star of anything shining on me. Stars hardly are bright enough (well, I guess they are bright enough - technically - but not close enough) to shine on anyone... I guess they can twinkle on me (And to anyone who is going to say, "The sun is a star... It shines on you." I say, "Admit it, when someone says 'star', you don't think of the sun; you think of twinkly lights at night").
Second, if a star is twinkling on me, it is twinkling on everyone else as well.
Finally, stars can only be seen at night - when I am asleep - so I don't feel like the star of happiness is doing me much good.
In other news, I am a happy person. Star or not.
My fortune today?
THE STAR OF HAPPINESS IS SHINING ON YOUI don't even know what that means.
First of all, I have a hard time with a star of anything shining on me. Stars hardly are bright enough (well, I guess they are bright enough - technically - but not close enough) to shine on anyone... I guess they can twinkle on me (And to anyone who is going to say, "The sun is a star... It shines on you." I say, "Admit it, when someone says 'star', you don't think of the sun; you think of twinkly lights at night").
Second, if a star is twinkling on me, it is twinkling on everyone else as well.
Finally, stars can only be seen at night - when I am asleep - so I don't feel like the star of happiness is doing me much good.
In other news, I am a happy person. Star or not.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Airport Stories
A Lack of Trust
Some time ago I was going through security at the airport and I noticed a man wearing a belt and suspenders, which I found interesting for 2 reasons:
Examples of the true belt-and-suspenders solution:
POWER!
How does the saying go? "Power corrupts; And a need for power makes people act like fools"?
Okay, that's not it... but maybe it should be.
The power I speak of is electricity to run personal electronics. Check this out:
That is a picture of a woman sitting in the middle of a corridor at the Baltimore Airport. And the picture doesn't even do justice to how much she was in the middle of the walkway (I hardly felt comfortable with the chance of her seeing me take the picture it I got closer). Why is she sitting there? Because for some reason the airport has an outlet in the middle of the floor and her iPhone needed to be charged.
I have been in her shoes before: a dead battery and no outlet. It is often hard to find an outlet at an airport - these buildings were built before all of our mobile devices required constant charging. 15 years ago there wasn't all that much that you took with you to the airport that needed an outlet. I know I've sat in strange places to charge a computer or iPhone, but right in the middle of everything... that is pushing it.
However, the bigger issue is what it says about the value we place on our electronics. My guess is there is not much that people - this woman included - would sit on the filthy ground for in the middle of a busy airport for. Most people's pride wouldn't let them do it. But apparently when it comes to staying connected, pride goes out the window. I have even seen people sit in the bathroom to just for access to an outlet. But then again, maybe it is not so crazy. After all, for centuries people have not been able to live if they have to spend a few hours without an iPhone, right?
Some time ago I was going through security at the airport and I noticed a man wearing a belt and suspenders, which I found interesting for 2 reasons:
- That has to be a pain going through security. I do everything I can to minimize any hassles when being herded though security - slip-on shoes; put my keys and wallet in my bag; etc. I can't imagine having to take off suspenders and a belt.
- I have never seen that before. I have heard the saying "A belt-and-suspenders-solution", but I have never actually seen someone wear a belt and suspenders.
Examples of the true belt-and-suspenders solution:
- Washing your hands for 30 seconds with soap and immediately applying hand sanitizer - just in case the soap was actually bacterial hand-soap.
- Having spies to spy on your spies.
- Having a retina and fingerprint scanner protecting anything (this is also a sign that you have too much money).
 |
| You see a lack of style, I see a lack of trust. |
POWER!
How does the saying go? "Power corrupts; And a need for power makes people act like fools"?
Okay, that's not it... but maybe it should be.
The power I speak of is electricity to run personal electronics. Check this out:
That is a picture of a woman sitting in the middle of a corridor at the Baltimore Airport. And the picture doesn't even do justice to how much she was in the middle of the walkway (I hardly felt comfortable with the chance of her seeing me take the picture it I got closer). Why is she sitting there? Because for some reason the airport has an outlet in the middle of the floor and her iPhone needed to be charged.
I have been in her shoes before: a dead battery and no outlet. It is often hard to find an outlet at an airport - these buildings were built before all of our mobile devices required constant charging. 15 years ago there wasn't all that much that you took with you to the airport that needed an outlet. I know I've sat in strange places to charge a computer or iPhone, but right in the middle of everything... that is pushing it.
However, the bigger issue is what it says about the value we place on our electronics. My guess is there is not much that people - this woman included - would sit on the filthy ground for in the middle of a busy airport for. Most people's pride wouldn't let them do it. But apparently when it comes to staying connected, pride goes out the window. I have even seen people sit in the bathroom to just for access to an outlet. But then again, maybe it is not so crazy. After all, for centuries people have not been able to live if they have to spend a few hours without an iPhone, right?
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Dear Credit Card Companies,
Dear American Express,
I appreciate your recent letter informing me that I have the chance to win $1,000,000.00. Trust me, I would LOVE to win. However, I can't help but feel like this is a scam to force a magazine subscription upon me. Which brings me to the point of this letter: I am already an American Express cardholder, why must you inundate me with junk mail?
Credit card companies grace my mailbox with junk mail far more than any other industry. I get more offers from credit card companies than I can shake a stick at, but it is a bit disheartening to be getting such offers from you since I already have a card.
I expect these things from Chase or Discover because I don't use their cards, but from you? Too far... too far.
Please reconsider your use of funds and leave your customers alone. If you really have great offers that I may be interested in, you could have a special section on my account management page of your website. Then I can check it at my convenience... and maybe I would actually look at the offers rather than just shred them.
-Kenny
To: Chevron/Texaco Credit Card Division
Attn: Maya Pendleton
Dear Maya,
I received the following in a recent credit card offer:
Maya, I feel it may be too soon for us to be "friends". In fact, I feel like - at this point - we may actually be frienemies at best. On the one hand, you are probably a nice person and just doing your job, but on the other had, you sent me junk mail.
In any case, frankly, I'm puzzled that you're puzzled that I would say "no" to this offer. Really? You are puzzled? Because you gave me no compelling reason to say "yes". Consumer debt is a serious problem in America, why would I want another means of accruing such debt. Do I get points? Does a percentage of my purchases go to fund orphanages in a 3rd world country? What is the benefit to getting this card?
Also, why did you start assuming that I would say "no"? Why not start with the assumption that I would at least consider saying "yes"? Wouldn't this be better:
In any case, I shreded (what is the past tense of shred? Shrad? Shreded?) your offer. I'm sorry you put me in a position where I felt the need to do that. Also, I will not be accepting any future offers. If the time comes where I feel your service would be of value, I'll contact you.
-Kenny
I appreciate your recent letter informing me that I have the chance to win $1,000,000.00. Trust me, I would LOVE to win. However, I can't help but feel like this is a scam to force a magazine subscription upon me. Which brings me to the point of this letter: I am already an American Express cardholder, why must you inundate me with junk mail?
Credit card companies grace my mailbox with junk mail far more than any other industry. I get more offers from credit card companies than I can shake a stick at, but it is a bit disheartening to be getting such offers from you since I already have a card.
I expect these things from Chase or Discover because I don't use their cards, but from you? Too far... too far.
Please reconsider your use of funds and leave your customers alone. If you really have great offers that I may be interested in, you could have a special section on my account management page of your website. Then I can check it at my convenience... and maybe I would actually look at the offers rather than just shred them.
-Kenny
To: Chevron/Texaco Credit Card Division
Attn: Maya Pendleton
Dear Maya,
I received the following in a recent credit card offer:
In any case, frankly, I'm puzzled that you're puzzled that I would say "no" to this offer. Really? You are puzzled? Because you gave me no compelling reason to say "yes". Consumer debt is a serious problem in America, why would I want another means of accruing such debt. Do I get points? Does a percentage of my purchases go to fund orphanages in a 3rd world country? What is the benefit to getting this card?
Also, why did you start assuming that I would say "no"? Why not start with the assumption that I would at least consider saying "yes"? Wouldn't this be better:
Dear You,
I am grateful that you are considering accepting this fantastic offer. You will not be disappointed.
You have nothing* to lose! Not only are you already pre-qualified, but there is no annual fee and you can use your Chevron and Texaco Credit Card at more than 8,000 participating Chevron and Texaco locations across the U.S.
More importantly, each time you use your Chevron and Texaco Credit Card at select locations**, Chevron and Texaco will donate a percentage*** of the sale to research and development of cleaner, renewable fuel.
Don't delay. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain!
Thanks!
Maya
*- The phrase "nothing to lose" does not include money or credit rating.
**- 14 qualifying locations (6 in North Dakota, 5 in Montana, 2 in Wyoming, and 1 in Northern Alaska)
***- .001% of sale will be donated
In any case, I shreded (what is the past tense of shred? Shrad? Shreded?) your offer. I'm sorry you put me in a position where I felt the need to do that. Also, I will not be accepting any future offers. If the time comes where I feel your service would be of value, I'll contact you.
-Kenny
Friday, August 6, 2010
Castor... C-A-S-T-O-R, but it is still bad advice.
My buddy's wife, M.BSB, posted the following on Facebook recently:
Thinking to myself that the comment was a joke, I smirked and thought, "what does she want her to do with that?" However, the next person's comment was even more detailed:
Now I am thinking to myself, "holy cow, this is messed up on all sorts of levels. Ingesting motor oil? That can't be good for the baby. She can't be serious."
So I began to type in google, "Castor oi" and google auto-populates "castor oil to induce labor". Now I am thinking to myself, "goodnight, people are sick! this is going too far!" However, after visiting this page, I realized I had confused castor oil and castrol oil. Apparently castor oil is a laxative. You must think that I felt dumb, eh? eh?
Well, if you do, you are wrong. Dead wrong. I still think it is dumb. Just like ingesting motor oil. Listen, whenever some says, "youll start to burn up and feel sick, that means its working. You will throw up and you will explode from the back end but...", I have to question the quality of their advice. I have to. (I don't make the rules).
I guess the logic must be "having a baby is a miserable experience (so I have heard), why not do anything you can to make it worse"?
This reminds me of when I was getting over a really bad bout of the flu and a woman suggested that I go running at the gym because "when you run it is like giving your body a fever and it gets better really fast". Ummm... yeah... thanks.
I also knew a person who would pour milk on his shins and hit his legs with a bat to make his bones stronger.
I would say those tips go right up there with bleeding dishes and putting leeches on one's self.
Please get this baby out of me.(If you didn't guess, she is pregnant.) Anyhow, I didn't think much of it and continued to scroll through the page of updates when I noticed a comment on her post.
try castor oil!!!!In my mind I saw this:
Try castor oil!!! Take a 20 oz bottle of juice drink about a 3rd of it. Then pour the castor oil in thil the bottle is full again. Shake it and then chug it down. Within about 3-4 hrs youll start to burn up and feel sick, that means its working. You will throw up and you will explode from the back end but it starts the contractions. Trust me.... It works.Whoa... whoa.
Now I am thinking to myself, "holy cow, this is messed up on all sorts of levels. Ingesting motor oil? That can't be good for the baby. She can't be serious."
So I began to type in google, "Castor oi" and google auto-populates "castor oil to induce labor". Now I am thinking to myself, "goodnight, people are sick! this is going too far!" However, after visiting this page, I realized I had confused castor oil and castrol oil. Apparently castor oil is a laxative. You must think that I felt dumb, eh? eh?
Well, if you do, you are wrong. Dead wrong. I still think it is dumb. Just like ingesting motor oil. Listen, whenever some says, "youll start to burn up and feel sick, that means its working. You will throw up and you will explode from the back end but...", I have to question the quality of their advice. I have to. (I don't make the rules).
I guess the logic must be "having a baby is a miserable experience (so I have heard), why not do anything you can to make it worse"?
This reminds me of when I was getting over a really bad bout of the flu and a woman suggested that I go running at the gym because "when you run it is like giving your body a fever and it gets better really fast". Ummm... yeah... thanks.
I also knew a person who would pour milk on his shins and hit his legs with a bat to make his bones stronger.
I would say those tips go right up there with bleeding dishes and putting leeches on one's self.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Axis of Evil
The following comes from a Saturday Night Live sketch where Will Ferrell is impersonating President Bush addressing the country (I believe this comes from Season 27, Episode 13. But if not it is definitely the opening to The Best of Will Ferrell Vol. 2):
Apple, the computer company - Ah, yes. Some of you may be saying, "but you own an iMac and iPhone... and you love both. How can you put Apple on the axis of evil list?" Simple - I do love my iMac and I did love my iPhone. But in an attempt to alienate part of their user base, Apple released the iOS4 for the iPhone 3G (which I own) along with the iPhone 3Gs and the iPhone 4. That would be great except it renders the daggum thing completely useless! Unless, of course, you like waiting for 5 minutes to check a text message and like having your typing about 6 characters ahead of the phone; if you like that, then it's great.
The other day I was listening to music and responding to a text when a call came in; the phone didn't know what to do... it just froze for 30 seconds. I missed the call and had to give my phone mouth-to-mic resuscitation. But that's ok... it is not like I have a phone to receive calls anyhow. Besides, when I paid $300, I completely expected Apple to release software that would render it no more than paper weight.
Congratulation Apple, you got me to put my guard down. Had this been a Microsoft product, I wouldn't have trusted it. But don't worry, I am now watching you carefully and sceptically.
Some of you may be saying, "but you know you can revert it to the old OS, right?"
Yeah. Thanks. That is hardly the point. If the software doesn't work on the 3G, why did they release it for the 3G? Why not just limit it to the 3Gs and 4. That would have been fine with me. Now I have to find the time to get the old stuff to work.
Also, Apple, when are you going to do something useful with the AppleTV? You are sitting on a potential gold mine. I will blog about what you should do with it at some future date or you can email me.
Next...
Apple, the fruit - I love a good apple. But there is the problem: finding a good one. It is very frustrating. And why do they call the nastiest of them all "Red Delicious". That is pretty messed up. I like Gala, Fuji, and Pink Lady apples. Get rid of the rest.
They should have known there was a problem when people started the phrase "bad apple" in everyday speak; it is a serious problem.
Microsoft - Yeah, I bet you were rejoicing when you saw Apple on the list. Don't get too giddy pal. I've had 4 blue screens of death in a week! This Vista thing is a mess. You are a long standing member of the axis of evil, Microsoft.
My Beloved Utah Jazz - As long as Kosta Koufas is on the roster, you are on the list. Cut your losses now. He's no good. Find away to get Omar Samhan and Earl Barron. Trust me.
Lebron James - Enough said.
An Unnamed Garage Door Repair Company - A couple of weeks ago my garage door opener needed to be fixed. It sounded like the motor had totally seized up and needed to be replaced. It was a cheap, do-it-yourself Genie that had given up the ghost. The way I looked at it, I had 3 options:
So why did I put "Unnamed Garage Door Repair Company" rather than give you their name? I called and complained and Denise was very nice and sent my check back. In the end, they seem like a stand up place, but let this be a lesson to all of us.
Finally...
Math - It must be included on any axis of evil list.
If you want to see that SNL clip, try here.
(Read in a Texan accent) Good Evening America. I'm very happy to be back in this country after my very successful trip in the pacific rim. I'm heartened to hear that for the most part the people of this country show strong support for my agenda. However, lately there's some who're beginning to criticize this administration... maybe these people don't understand, America is presently at war. Not just the war on terrorism, but we are engaged in a deadly stand-off with an axis of evil. Ya know who I'm talkin 'bout: Iran, Iraq, and one of the Koreas.With that introduction, I give you my current "Axis of Evil" list:
But my axis of evil doesn't seem to interest some people out there. Some people just want to talk about the economy and budgets and Enron. I bet mosta ya out there don't even understand Enron... I sure-as-heck don't. It hurts my head to think about it... so from now on Enron will be a part of my axis of evil. I don't want to hear anything else about Enron unless our military has pounded it into submission.
So look out, Enron, you are now a part of the axis of evil.
So is the economy.
I don't like the way this economy is acting. Not very American. It's evil. The economy is now part of my axis of evil.
Also, I don't like Senator Tom Daschle. Ya know why? He's very critical. Ya know where that leaves him? You got it; he's now part of the axis of evil.
So quick recap: That's Iran, Iraq, Enron, the economy, and Daschle, and one of those Koreas. They all form a terrible axis of evil standing in the way of all that we as Americans value.
And don't forget France. The French don't like me saying "axis of evil", so guess what? They're now a part of the very same access of evil they don't like me saying. How do ya like them apples, France? Next time you'll keep yer mouth shut. You mess with Texas, and it's straight to the axis of evil, got it?
Germany, Italy, and Japan, they were the original access of evil. Maybe they thought I would forget, but I didn't. They're back in.
Here's one ya probably didn't expect...
(looks side to side)
Dick. Cheney. Now he's up to something; I don't like it. He's never around. If I'm in the White House, he's not. If I'm on a plane, he's nowhere in sight. He's very sneaky; not to mention scary. I'm puttin' him in the axis of evil... fer now.
Evil Knievel's going in the axis of evil, but that's a no-brainer. But Dr. Evil, NO; he makes me laugh, so he's out.
So you see, America, there's nothing to fear; everything's fine. You go out and buy yer new cars and fly on airplanes and invest in K-Mart. Don't... don't listen to what the economist say. Why? Because they like math and math is very much a part of the axis of evil.
And you know what else is part of the axis of evil? LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!!!!
Apple, the computer company - Ah, yes. Some of you may be saying, "but you own an iMac and iPhone... and you love both. How can you put Apple on the axis of evil list?" Simple - I do love my iMac and I did love my iPhone. But in an attempt to alienate part of their user base, Apple released the iOS4 for the iPhone 3G (which I own) along with the iPhone 3Gs and the iPhone 4. That would be great except it renders the daggum thing completely useless! Unless, of course, you like waiting for 5 minutes to check a text message and like having your typing about 6 characters ahead of the phone; if you like that, then it's great.
The other day I was listening to music and responding to a text when a call came in; the phone didn't know what to do... it just froze for 30 seconds. I missed the call and had to give my phone mouth-to-mic resuscitation. But that's ok... it is not like I have a phone to receive calls anyhow. Besides, when I paid $300, I completely expected Apple to release software that would render it no more than paper weight.
Congratulation Apple, you got me to put my guard down. Had this been a Microsoft product, I wouldn't have trusted it. But don't worry, I am now watching you carefully and sceptically.
Some of you may be saying, "but you know you can revert it to the old OS, right?"
Yeah. Thanks. That is hardly the point. If the software doesn't work on the 3G, why did they release it for the 3G? Why not just limit it to the 3Gs and 4. That would have been fine with me. Now I have to find the time to get the old stuff to work.
Also, Apple, when are you going to do something useful with the AppleTV? You are sitting on a potential gold mine. I will blog about what you should do with it at some future date or you can email me.
Next...
Apple, the fruit - I love a good apple. But there is the problem: finding a good one. It is very frustrating. And why do they call the nastiest of them all "Red Delicious". That is pretty messed up. I like Gala, Fuji, and Pink Lady apples. Get rid of the rest.
They should have known there was a problem when people started the phrase "bad apple" in everyday speak; it is a serious problem.
Microsoft - Yeah, I bet you were rejoicing when you saw Apple on the list. Don't get too giddy pal. I've had 4 blue screens of death in a week! This Vista thing is a mess. You are a long standing member of the axis of evil, Microsoft.
My Beloved Utah Jazz - As long as Kosta Koufas is on the roster, you are on the list. Cut your losses now. He's no good. Find away to get Omar Samhan and Earl Barron. Trust me.
Lebron James - Enough said.
An Unnamed Garage Door Repair Company - A couple of weeks ago my garage door opener needed to be fixed. It sounded like the motor had totally seized up and needed to be replaced. It was a cheap, do-it-yourself Genie that had given up the ghost. The way I looked at it, I had 3 options:
- Replace the whole thing professionally
- Go to Home Depot and buy a similar cheapo and replace just the unit myself
- Try to get it fixed
Fast forward to the repair visit:
Me:Hi, I have a Genie garage door opener that sounds like the motor has seized up, do you do repairs?
Girl:Yes, we do repairs.
Me:Great, how much?
Girl:$29.50 for the service call, plus the cost of the repair.
Me:Well, am I going to have to pay the service fee, then you come look at it, order a part and then I have to pay the fee again?
Girl:No, they have all the parts on the truck and can fix it in the same visit.
Me:Even the motor?
Girl:Yes.
Me:Ok, lets schedule a time.
Repairman:Let's see what we have here...Safe to say, I lost it. He was there for 30 seconds and had the nerve to want to charge $30 to tell me something I already knew! No thank you; this is exactly what I feared when I called a repair place.
Me:Alright, here it is.
Sound of the motor doing nothing
Repairman:Sounds like your motor is seized up... nothing I can do about that. We'll need to replace the whole thing. I have a great unit here for $450.
So why did I put "Unnamed Garage Door Repair Company" rather than give you their name? I called and complained and Denise was very nice and sent my check back. In the end, they seem like a stand up place, but let this be a lesson to all of us.
Finally...
Math - It must be included on any axis of evil list.
If you want to see that SNL clip, try here.
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