Wednesday, July 20, 2011

The 3 Great Lies

My grandfather maintained that there are 3 great lies:

1) "I am from the government and I'm here to help you."

Depending on who is doing the quoting, this is sometimes quoted as "I am from the federal government and I'm here to help you", but grandpa passed away in 1994, so I can't really get a definitive answer as to whether or not he differentiated between the helpfulness of the state and federal governments. However, I like to keep things simple, so I am lumping all government agents into one.

2) "I will love you just as much in the morning."

I am not going to expound on this one as Opinuendo is a family friendly site... moving right along...

3) "The check is in the mail."

Where checks are more and more becoming a thing of the past (and mail for that matter) and payments are becoming instantaneous, I feel that we need a new lie for the 3rd great lie. Here are some possibilities:
"This won't hurt at all"
"I'll be there in five minutes."
"I didn't post that; my account got hacked."
"I'm on my way right now."
"It's not you, it's me."
"My computer crashed and I lost all my work."
"I'll be right with you."
"This is a sure investment."
Feel free to post your ideas for the 3rd great lie in the comments.


  1. "I have read and agree to the terms and conditions."
    who reads any of that??

  2. the classic, "That doesn't make you look fat."

  3. It won't cost the taxpayers a cent.