What Would GQ Do?

Last week I received my latest issue of GQ, which isn't all that exciting except for the fact that I found this little gem:

Above is a blurb which reads as follows:

Just Say No to Rapper Headphones
Props to Dr. Dre, who recently hit upon the only thing a rapper hadn't yet shilled: headphones. Beats by Dre has been a runaway success, and now 50 Cent and Ludacris are hocking headgear. But c'mon, y'all -- this isn't 1998, when dudes rocked Wallabees to be like Wu-Tang. If you're still chasing rapper-endorsed status symbols in 2011, it's time to quit asking yourself, "What would Jay-Z do?" and start asking, "What would I do?" -Will Welch

Clearly, the only way for me to address this is an open letter to Billy himself...

Dear Mr. Will Welch:

RE: "Just Say No to Rapper Headphones"

I do not disagree with your sentiments that people shouldn't just buy something because someone famous endorses it. But do you not find it even the slightest bit absurd or incongruent** for you, an employee of GQ magazine - a magazine whose sole purpose is to tell men what they should and should not buy and wear - are telling people not to be "followers" in what they wear and buy? If people really were to simply ask themselves "What would I do?" in the area of fashion and accessories, wouldn't you be out of a job?

Why not just call a spade a spade and say, "...If you're still chasing rapper-endorsed status symbols in 2011, it's time to re-up on your GQ subscription and quit asking yourself, 'What would Jay-Z do?' and start asking, 'What would GQ tell me to do?'"?

Sincerely,
Kenny

P.S. - GQ, once my free 1-year subscription to your magazine is up, I will not be renewing. I just want to make that clear upfront, so as not to be accused of sending mixed signals later.

** - Did you know that the definition for "incongruent" is "not congruent". Talk about a useless definition. Thanks Merriam-Webster!

You are great just the way you are... sort of.

Yesterday The 'Cob, CL6, and I were at lunch - Thai Thursday. At one point, the conversation turned to dating and I mentioned that I had signed up for online dating, but that it still seemed weird to me. CL6 commented that he thought within 5 years the stigma of online dating would be gone (CL6 is married, so the dating game isn't something that he worries too much about), but The 'Cob said that he thought the stigma was mostly gone already (the stigma*, of course, being that only weirdos with no social skills resort to online dating).

Fast-forward to this morning. As I was walking to my car to go to work, I checked my mailbox and what did my eyes behold?

GQ Magazine. Which is weird because I don't subscribe to GQ, nor do I want to subscribe to GQ, and I definitely don't want to pay for GQ. So I called and asked why I was sent the magazine. The woman told me it was because I signed up for XYZ dating site and it came with a 1-year subscription to GQ. I asked if I was going to be automatically billed at the end of the year and she said no. So I guess I get GQ now.

However, what does this say about online dating? Sounds to me like this dating site is only reinforcing the above stated stigma... "oh, you are signing-up for our site? hmmm, ok, well, we are going to send you this magazine for a year to help you out. You are great the way you are... sort of... just *ahem* read this and take some hints."

*As a side note, I don't really feel like there is a huge stigma about online dating anymore. It seems that it is becoming more normal and most of the girls that I have talked to through dating sites are normal and cool. But I do think it is funny that they send all the guys GQ... I wonder what the girls get. 

Happy Birthday to The 'Cob!

This is why I love sports.

Think back to 2am Tuesday morning. What were you doing? Probably sleeping (that is what I was doing). Maybe working or doing homework.

Well, you could have been joining in on a heated debate over an article/video by Dan Patrick criticizing Rick Reilly for his article ripping Jimmer Fredette.

I posted a link to Patrick's article on Facebook stating that I agreed with him. I never guessed what would follow that post. Two of my friends - Ronnie and Chris - went back and forth over the course of 73 comments until 2:30am. What they were going back and forth over is not totally clear at some points. It started about the article and then just sort of devolves.

There are a couple of things that I love about this.

1. I love sports. Don't get me wrong; I am passionate about them, I follow them way too closely, I debate hypotheticals concerning them - I love sports. But I will be the first to say that there are a lot of us that take them too far. This Facebook argument is an example of that. At the heart of all of this is Jimmer Fredette. If you don't know who that is, here is quick overview - he is a 6'1" Mormon, white kid who plays for BYU and lead the nation in scoring. He has an unbelievable shot and has taken the nation by storm. He took BYU to the sweet 16 where they lost to Florida. After which, Rick Reilly - a sports writer for ESPN.com - said that he was overrated, leading to a furious debate.

And here is what I love about sports: people - myself included - get worked up into a tizzy over things that can't be known, don't matter, and/or they have no control over.

Take the Jazz for instance. They are my favorite team. They are also horrible this year. I spend gobs of time discussing what they should do, will they get better, and what caused the problems. Yet I have zero control over it and it really has no bearing on my life. But I still do it. I still miss Deron Williams and Jerry Sloan. I still want the Jazz to get good draft picks. I still yearn for them to win the championship next year. And I still want the Lakers to lose in such glorious fashion that all Lakers fans denounce the evil franchise and burn their jerseys.

Yes, that is what I go through as a Jazz fan. And yes, I realize it is foolish, but I am not alone.

2. The second thing that makes the aforementioned Facebook argument such a gem is the fact that Chris and Ronnie have never met each other. It is glorious.

And that embodies why sports are so great. They can cause two people who don't know each other to argue vehemently online for hours about something that doesn't matter.

So here it is:

 

 

Nobody will Notice... Right?

When you're looking for a tattoo artist, do you worry about little things like the ability to spell? Because if I were having something indelibly inked onto my body (which I wouldn't), I would want the person doing the inking to have a steady hand and be able to spell.

Which is why I wouldn't go to this place:

That's right, "Forever Yours Tatto".

And in case you are wondering, you're right, the word tattoo should have two "O"s.

Some of you are probably saying, "but Kenny, it probably had both 'O's and someone stole one." Yeah, you may be right, but if I owned museum called "The History of Homo Sapiens" and somebody removed the letters "apiens" from the company van, I would not let anyone drive around in a van that said:

The History of Homo S

I would either get new letters or remove them all. Which brings me to my rules of advertising on your car:

1. Think long and hard before doing it, because chances are it won't look good. Even if the above example was devoid of spelling errors, it is still an ugly sticker on an old, nasty van. If you can do something that is well designed, looks classy, and is on a nice car, then maybe you can pull it off.

2. Once part of it starts to go, then all of it has to go.

3. Again, probably not a great idea. See rule #1.

You didn't think I would miss a Marketing Wednesday, did you?

I am not a fan of hyperbole (hy·per·bo·le : extravagant exaggeration); especially when they are actually just flat out lies.

Here are 2 examples:

This is an ad on the window of the Relax the Back store. I worry about their understanding of the word "true". When I envision "experiencing true zero gravity", I picture myself floating in the air; not sitting in a chair with gravity holding me in that chair.

Here is an idea, why not just say:

Experience zero gravity

or

Experience the comfort of zero gravity

Besides, zero gravity sounds fun and all - and I would love to go into space - but I don't associate that with a relaxed back.

FYI. There is gravity in space. It just has less force.

Moving on...

I saw this poster in the DMV (btw, I waited until the last possible day to get my license renewed before having to re-take the test; I don't recommend that action for anyone).

Our dear friends in the DMV are trying to encourage people to donate their organs. I support that. I don't support such a loose definition of the word "never". My grandmother is 87 years old and therefore is too old to donate. But I thought you were never too old to donate? I am confused... are people never too old to donate? Or can they donate up to the age of 80? Which is it?

Apparently, you are never too old to donate... unless you are too old to donate.

Actually, I can get behind this definition of "never".

I never cut class in high school.
I've never lied.
I've never been wrong.
I've never broken the speed limit.

(except for the times I did or was.)

Thanks Utah... and sorry to all the old people who got their hopes up that they could contribute to a better world.

140 Charaters... Unless Otherwise Stated.

We are all familiar with Twitter - it is like a mini-blog or a site of nothing but facebook statuses. You can follow people and they can follow you. It has become a powerful social networking tool.

The thing that makes twitter especially unique is the fact that each tweet can only be 140 characters; this is a concept and feature that they have touted and marketed and used to separate themselves from others. In fact, when Twitter won awards at the South by Southwest Festival in 2007, the company's acceptance speech was less than 140 characters

On Twitter, like most social networking sites, each user has a profile that they can maintain:

Notice, unlike your posts, your profile can be a whopping 160 characters.

What do I say to this? BOOO!

It would be one thing if the profile had no limit or an obscenely high limit, but twitter is built around the number 140, why would they give an extra 20 characters for the profile? Lame.

Who does this guy think he is!

In baseball, a triple play is pretty rare and that makes it exciting. That is how a blog should be. People shouldn't water down the excitement of their blog by posting 12 times in a day (although, most blogs are not at all exciting, so they can post all they want). But every now and again it is time for a triple play day.

Rounding out my triple play, I want to bring to your attention one man's hypocrisy. There is a blog out there who's author claims to be something of a marketing expert. I don't know his credentials, if he even has any. But I do know this - he is a fraud! He doesn't even follow his own advice. Just today he posted about the importance of timing in advertising and marketing efforts, yet look at his blog:

Excuse me? You are the one who still has a Santa image in your header. On January 20th!

Furthermore, he lies on facebook. Even worse, he lies on facebook about his blog.

Guess what, there was no post on Monday. Or Tuesday for that matter.

The fact is, he must be stopped. Sure, he is funny, and handsome... and looks good with his not-overly-thick-beard, but he must be held accountable for his actions. So what should we do? Stop reading his blog? No, no... that is too simple. What we must do is tell everyone we know about his blog! I know what you are thinking, "how will that help?" You are just going to have to trust me on this one, it will.

Now you're asking, "but how do I spread the word?" Anything is fine. Email, Facebook, Twitter.

I will even tell you what to say:

Friends and enemies alike - I have recently come across a pretty okay blog written by a smart, funny, hilariously, intelligent guy who I want to teach a lesson to. Help me out by visiting his blog daily. Just go to opinuendo.blogspot.com.

Thanks, ______________

Together we can all make a difference!