Six Word Bio

In English our Professor told us about this thing called a "six word bio" - also known as a "six word memoir" (see this article from the new yorker). Basically, you take six word (absolutely no more than six!) and tell your life story. The two examples my professor gave were:

For sale, baby shoes, never worn (this is supposed to be some sort of masterpiece, but I don't see it.)

Finally met dream girl; already married (I like this one better)

In class we were challenged to come up with our own - not necessarily about ourselves - and since then I have come up with a number of them. However, I have to preface these by saying the happy ones aren't as funny and clever, so these are more satirical, ironic, and therefore a little less happy (even a little negative). And - unless otherwise stated - they aren't about me.

If I had to do one about me today:

Likes sports and women; currently miserable

Perhaps my tombstone will read:

Life long Jazz fan died disappointed

Now for the the non-Kenny ones:

Got rich, met woman, died broke. 

Bought all wanted, died in need.

Would've gone faster; stuck in traffic

Identity theft dies, name still unknown.

Ate very healthy, still died young.

Peed on electric fence; shocking experience.

Tried killing time, time killed me.

Said "it wasn't me"; it was.

Didn't stay on path; bear killed.

Lets hear some from you!