A Tribute to Facebook

This is my tribute to facebook and its amazing power to aid in the wasting of time. With this I also introduce the "to-don't list".

Definition: A "to-don't list" is a list of things that you don't want to get done (as opposed to a "to-do list" which you do want to get done). For instance, you may need to get a ton of homework done, but rather than doing that you play around on facebook.

Atop my "to-don't list" is always "waste time on facebook".

Six Word Bio

In English our Professor told us about this thing called a "six word bio" - also known as a "six word memoir" (see this article from the new yorker). Basically, you take six word (absolutely no more than six!) and tell your life story. The two examples my professor gave were:

For sale, baby shoes, never worn (this is supposed to be some sort of masterpiece, but I don't see it.)

Finally met dream girl; already married (I like this one better)

In class we were challenged to come up with our own - not necessarily about ourselves - and since then I have come up with a number of them. However, I have to preface these by saying the happy ones aren't as funny and clever, so these are more satirical, ironic, and therefore a little less happy (even a little negative). And - unless otherwise stated - they aren't about me.

If I had to do one about me today:

Likes sports and women; currently miserable

Perhaps my tombstone will read:

Life long Jazz fan died disappointed

Now for the the non-Kenny ones:

Got rich, met woman, died broke. 

Bought all wanted, died in need.

Would've gone faster; stuck in traffic

Identity theft dies, name still unknown.

Ate very healthy, still died young.

Peed on electric fence; shocking experience.

Tried killing time, time killed me.

Said "it wasn't me"; it was.

Didn't stay on path; bear killed.

Lets hear some from you!

The Big Podcast

On Sunday I joined Mark Welling and Jake Stowell on their weekly podcast about the Utah Jazz. Now, I know that many of my readers are not avid Jazz fans, but who doesn't want to hear more from Kenny!

Listen to the Big Podcast here.

We address:

• The play of rookies Eric Maynor and Wes Matthews (Mark's Main Man).
• Is it good for NBA players to be so chummy after games.
• Why/IF the Jazz are playing better without Deron Williams?
• Was the four game Eastern Conference road trip a success?
• Should the Jazz start shopping CJ Miles and Kyle Korver?
• Is Boozer's reemergence the last two games due to Williams not being on the court?
• True/False Jerry Sloan plays rookies?
• A look into the future of Jazz prospective coaches once Jerry retires.
• Jake, Kenny, and Mark predict how the Jazz will fare this coming week.
• Lebron and his attempts to rule and run the NBA.

Signs - UVU Edition

You wanna know what I like about UVU? They are ahead of the times. They are progressive. You are NOT going to catch them by surprise.

In fact, the day Starbursts are able to grow legs and floating heads, UVU's elevators will be ready.

You wanna know what else I like about UVU? They don't concern themselves with using the write right words in the right places...

Yeah, that's right - "sing up" for the soccer tournament... Or is that supposed to be sign up?

Movies!!

So you need that little bit to get you from Thursday to Friday? Well, fear not! We will have a YouTube Thurdsay:

This music video is unreal! Honestly, the collaboration that had to take place is ridiculous.



I find this one hilarious... Wow, sometimes the truth is hilarious...



"You just fancy her more than she is objectively attractive... That's what love is!"

Oh Man... Vegetarians...



"It's an ethical thing; I don't think people should be treated like this..."

Not exactly brain surgery...



A dog that can skateboard!

A Moment for True Genius...

I would have liked to have been there when some genius came up with the idea for the "hunger banquet". I can see it now -

Ted: You know, world hunger is a serious problem... we should really try to do something... any ideas?

Eddie: Well, we could run a food and donation drive. People could donate canned goods or money which we could use to fight hunger.

Ted: whew... I don’t know... that might work. We will call that plan B... any other ideas?

Billy: Well - now I am just spitballing here - but we could host a banquet...

Eddie: What?!? How will that solve the problem of world hunger?

Ted: Shut up Eddie... I like it. Good job Ted; that is just the kind of outside-the-box thinking we need. We'll eat to feed the hungry - makes sense to me.

Wait a second... That's not a Taco!

Dear Taco Time,

As you will see, above I've included a picture of the side menu from your drive thru in Provo (pardon the quality - sunny day, iphone... you get it).

I'm concerned about your knowledge and understanding of ameri-mex (American-Mexican) food. Let me draw your attention to the specials on 3 days - Tuesday, Wednesday, and Saturday:

These are NOT soft tacos; they're burritos! I don't know who you've been talking to, but they are not your friends - in fact, they are you enemies. You are supposed to know the difference between a taco and a burrito - YOU'RE TACO TIME.

It's not that there is anything wrong with tacos... except you have to turn your head funny to eat them. And if it is a hard shell taco it falls apart after one bite - I HATE that... it's that you look silly making such a HUGE mistake.

This almost makes you look as foolish as those people who put a hotmail email address on their business cards... Who does that? No one will take you serious until you fix this.

I am sorry we had talk under such sad circumstances...

Kenny