Monday, October 26, 2009

Move Please

Early in the month, I thought October was certainly going to be my highest posting month ever... Little did I know that my trip to The Desert, Manti, Lake Powell, long work hours, and school would interfere with that.

Anyhow, I make my return to blogging with a public service blog:

The 7 Worst Types of Left Lane Campers

The law of the land - and common courtesy - demands that "Slower Traffic Keep Right". Whether on a rural highway or a 5 lane super freeway, if there are at least two lanes going one way, the left lane is for passing... not for cruising. These people defy the law and courtesy...

7. Old people- I like old people, really, I do... But here is the thing - have you ever been rolling down the freeway and come upon a car going a shade over 48 mph and as you pass them, you see an elderly person white-knuckling the steering wheel trying to figure out where the horses and buggies have gone? You flash your lights, but their eyesight is shot. You honk, but they just try to adjust their hearing-aid?

We have to step in at some point... but the elderly can be feisty in holding on to those licenses. I tried to take away my parents license when they got old. For their fiftieth birthday's I tried to sneak their license and keys away, but I'll be a monkey's uncle if they can't throw their walkers a solid 50 ft... and man, their scooters are quick!

6. "A law? What is that?"- I am convinced that there is a group of people who do not know that it is even a law for the slow traffic stay right... I can't prove it, but my gut tells me it is so...

Anyhow, this is the person who gets on the freeway, immediately goes to the far left and settles in for a long drive.

5. "But I'll pass 'em eventually"- This genius is going 67.5 mph; a mile in the distance there is a car in the right lane going 67 mph. So what does she do? Well, of course, she gets in the left lane, maintains her speed, and when people start to go crazy due to the hold up, she thinks to herself, "hey, I'll pass them eventually!" That is true, you will pass them... eventually, but the world will end eventually and if I enter the lotto enough times, I will win eventually - that doesn't mean I sit in the left lane holding everyone up until that happens!

Here is a novel idea, until such time that it is completely necessary, stay in the right lane. Furthermore, when you do go to pass, give it a little gas, do the deed and move back over. Just a thought.

4. The Racecar Driver- This is the idiot who doesn't really want to go as fast as everyone else, but doesn't want anyone to pass him (or her) either. He sits in the left lane - slowing traffic and ignoring courtesy flashes - until someone goes to pass on the right. Once this happens, our prideful racecar driver decides to floor it. He slowly regresses back to his inappropriately slow speed and the cycle repeats itself.

Listen Mr Nascar, just go the speed you are comfortable with... in the right lane.

3. The Law-enforcers- Civilians who think that it is their responsibility to enforce the speed limit. The thing that I don't think that they realize is they are actually making the roadways less safe. It is far worse to have people weaving in and out of traffic than it is to have some people speeding mildly. Furthermore, it just incites road-rage... and that isn't good for anyone.

So - to you, Mr. wannabe law enforcer - I say, "Move over please."

2. Total oblivion- For whatever reason, this person has no idea what is going on around them. I have seen them come in all shapes and size. From the lady I saw reading a book, to the one I saw doing make-up, the guy on his phone ranting and raving about who knows what, the person rocking out the radio, or the woman with 42 kids in her Excursion; these are the people for whom driving is barely cracking the list of the top 5 things vying for their attention.

You can give the courtesy flash, but it will do no good... They don't know that there is anyone else on the road. Use extreme caution when passing on the right of this animal - who knows when they are suddenly going swerve across 5 lanes with reckless abandon during rush hour to get off their exit that they just realized they passed.

Listen friend, stop sending that email and giving yourself a manicure, you are going kill someone!

1. The Fuzz... 50... Po-Po... Cops...- Whatever you call them, they are the worst. The police know the law, they should move over. Nothing is worst than a police officer holding up traffic.

Final thought - Lets talk about the flashing of head lights - this is not necessarily meant to be offensive or rude; two quick flashes can simply mean, "Excuse me, I'd like to get by." So don't be afraid to flash and if you are flashed, don't get all bent out of shape, just move over.

With that said, it is the ULTIMATE form of none verbal communication and can lead to serious miscommunication... So be prepared to get the bird.


  1. Ah! Finally! I've been waiting for a new post for a while now!

    Yeah, I've heard you rant about this before. I'll try to make sure to remember that.

  2. Great post. Allow me to back it up with some legal research.

    The summary is that you're right. (However, technically, it seems that is legal to to drive in the left long as no-one is behind you. The moment someone pulls up behind you, you have to move over).

    While I'm not copying it, section 1 of the same law deals with your #5 group. It deals with the responsibility of those passing.

    The ones that 'torque my grinder' are the "law enforcers." If you think someone is going too fast, call the highway patrol. But before you take the police officers' valuable time, consider whether or not the driver who passed you is actually endangering people by their speed. What's more, as you can read below, staying in the left lane pretending to be a pace car when someone is trying to pass, it just as illegal as speeding.

    Utah Code Ann. § 41-6a-704
    (2) On a highway having more than one lane in the same direction, the operator of a vehicle traveling in the left general purpose lane:
    (a) shall, upon being overtaken by another vehicle in the same lane, yield to the overtaking vehicle by moving safely to a lane to the right; and
    (b) may not impede the movement or free flow of traffic in the left general purpose lane.
    (3) An operator of a vehicle traveling in the left general purpose lane that has a vehicle following directly behind the operator's vehicle at a distance so that less than two seconds elapse before reaching the location of the operator's vehicle when space is available for the operator to yield to the overtaking vehicle by traveling in the right-hand lane is prima facie evidence that the operator is violating Subsection (2).

  3. Agreed. Enough said. Very well put.

  4. Chris, no hobby researching. Only paid work. You'll learn. ;-)

    But I have to agree, the "pace car" idiots are the worst because they're hypocritical ("i'm going to break the law to stop you from breaking the law") and they're dangerous.

  5. I do not fall in category 2 because I am a good driver...even though I am reading this in the left lane right now!