Move Please

Early in the month, I thought October was certainly going to be my highest posting month ever... Little did I know that my trip to The Desert, Manti, Lake Powell, long work hours, and school would interfere with that.

Anyhow, I make my return to blogging with a public service blog:

The 7 Worst Types of Left Lane Campers

The law of the land - and common courtesy - demands that "Slower Traffic Keep Right". Whether on a rural highway or a 5 lane super freeway, if there are at least two lanes going one way, the left lane is for passing... not for cruising. These people defy the law and courtesy...

7. Old people- I like old people, really, I do... But here is the thing - have you ever been rolling down the freeway and come upon a car going a shade over 48 mph and as you pass them, you see an elderly person white-knuckling the steering wheel trying to figure out where the horses and buggies have gone? You flash your lights, but their eyesight is shot. You honk, but they just try to adjust their hearing-aid?

We have to step in at some point... but the elderly can be feisty in holding on to those licenses. I tried to take away my parents license when they got old. For their fiftieth birthday's I tried to sneak their license and keys away, but I'll be a monkey's uncle if they can't throw their walkers a solid 50 ft... and man, their scooters are quick!

6. "A law? What is that?"- I am convinced that there is a group of people who do not know that it is even a law for the slow traffic stay right... I can't prove it, but my gut tells me it is so...

Anyhow, this is the person who gets on the freeway, immediately goes to the far left and settles in for a long drive.

5. "But I'll pass 'em eventually"- This genius is going 67.5 mph; a mile in the distance there is a car in the right lane going 67 mph. So what does she do? Well, of course, she gets in the left lane, maintains her speed, and when people start to go crazy due to the hold up, she thinks to herself, "hey, I'll pass them eventually!" That is true, you will pass them... eventually, but the world will end eventually and if I enter the lotto enough times, I will win eventually - that doesn't mean I sit in the left lane holding everyone up until that happens!

Here is a novel idea, until such time that it is completely necessary, stay in the right lane. Furthermore, when you do go to pass, give it a little gas, do the deed and move back over. Just a thought.

4. The Racecar Driver- This is the idiot who doesn't really want to go as fast as everyone else, but doesn't want anyone to pass him (or her) either. He sits in the left lane - slowing traffic and ignoring courtesy flashes - until someone goes to pass on the right. Once this happens, our prideful racecar driver decides to floor it. He slowly regresses back to his inappropriately slow speed and the cycle repeats itself.

Listen Mr Nascar, just go the speed you are comfortable with... in the right lane.

3. The Law-enforcers- Civilians who think that it is their responsibility to enforce the speed limit. The thing that I don't think that they realize is they are actually making the roadways less safe. It is far worse to have people weaving in and out of traffic than it is to have some people speeding mildly. Furthermore, it just incites road-rage... and that isn't good for anyone.

So - to you, Mr. wannabe law enforcer - I say, "Move over please."

2. Total oblivion- For whatever reason, this person has no idea what is going on around them. I have seen them come in all shapes and size. From the lady I saw reading a book, to the one I saw doing make-up, the guy on his phone ranting and raving about who knows what, the person rocking out the radio, or the woman with 42 kids in her Excursion; these are the people for whom driving is barely cracking the list of the top 5 things vying for their attention.

You can give the courtesy flash, but it will do no good... They don't know that there is anyone else on the road. Use extreme caution when passing on the right of this animal - who knows when they are suddenly going swerve across 5 lanes with reckless abandon during rush hour to get off their exit that they just realized they passed.

Listen friend, stop sending that email and giving yourself a manicure, you are going kill someone!

1. The Fuzz... 50... Po-Po... Cops...- Whatever you call them, they are the worst. The police know the law, they should move over. Nothing is worst than a police officer holding up traffic.

Final thought - Lets talk about the flashing of head lights - this is not necessarily meant to be offensive or rude; two quick flashes can simply mean, "Excuse me, I'd like to get by." So don't be afraid to flash and if you are flashed, don't get all bent out of shape, just move over.

With that said, it is the ULTIMATE form of none verbal communication and can lead to serious miscommunication... So be prepared to get the bird.