Tostitos + slow day + "Letters from a Nut" =

I have been trying to organize and consolidate my 6 external hard drives - it's the nerd in me - and as I have been doing this, I have come across some interesting stuff. Some funny, some lame, some cool, and some I have no idea where it came from.

Well, somewhere in between funny and lame is this little diddy that I found. It's a satirical letter that I wrote one day when work was slow back in 2005 and it answers the age old question, "what do you get when combine a slow day, a bag of tostitos, and a co-worker with the book 'letters from a nut'?"

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Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Dear Tostitos,

Let me start by saying that I LOVE your chips. Normally, I feel that the word love is not appropriate for this context, but - where I am talking about your tortilla chips - I will make an exception. I particularly enjoy your "Tostitos Scoops". They really are “The Dip Lover’s Chips”!!! In fact, I am eating some right now.

This brings me to the reason for this letter; I was reading the back of the bag and noticed that you have the catch phrase, “Nothing Brings People Together Like Tostitos Brand Tortilla Chips”. That got me thinking, “Is there anything that brings people together like Tostitos?” Even now, I am surrounded by my co-workers sharing my bag of Tostitos, despite the fact that I have what some would call an “odor problem” (my mother says it makes me unique). However, I have one word for you: Funeral.

That’s right - nothing brings people together like Tostitos tortilla chips… except a funeral.

Think about it, no matter what is going on, if someone you know dies, you are going to go to the funeral. Even if you don’t know them that well - which, if you ask me, is a little strange since the person is dead and they won’t know if you were there. Maybe it is the food that keeps people coming back (I love really like funeral potatoes…)

Hey! You should provide a bag of Tostitos Scoop to every funeral! And then you could market the fact that it’s the Tostitos that bring people to funerals – not the dead guy… (umm, if you do use that idea, I would like to be reimbursed for it, cause - lets face it - it's golden)

Well, just wanted to let you know that you are doing a great job and you should consider changing you catchphrase to “Nothing Brings People Together Like Tostitos Brand Tortilla Chips – Except a Funeral”.

Sincerely, you biggest fan,

Richard Furr (This is a completely fictitious name and is no way meant to impersonate any Richard, Rich, or Dick Furrs)

P.S. – Why do some of my scoops come flat? It is not like they are broken, just flat... like a normal chip. I die a little inside every time that happens. Maybe you should consider some type of warning on the bag - "WARNING: Scoops may be flat. It's not their fault."

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And just for kick n' giggles, here is a fictitious letter from Peter Griffin