Pirates!!!

Once upon a time I was was a pirate and since it is RCG's 25th birthday and my parent's 26th anniversary, I figured it was time to do a blog about pirates!

Check out this sweet stuff from 868valencia.org (not only are these things hilarious, but they are in headquartered in SF, so that is a triple word score):

Funny Posters

I don't know if 30 is really the new 20, but "Beards are the new black"...

Tell those Liberal cannon control freaks, "Cannons don't sink ships, pirates with cannons sink ships"

In somethings order doesn't matter, but in other things it really really does. Remember "Pillage before plunder, what a blunder. Plunder before pillage, mission fulfillage"

Trinkets

The captions on the website make these little nuggets hilarious!

"Sprinkle a small amount of this substance into the sea. Sometimes they come closer, sometimes they swim away. It's complicated"

"We can't help you with all of your problems. Sleep apnea, nervousness around tall people, transplanted pig intestines, all that stuff is on you. But your sea sickness, we might possibly be able to try and help you with that."

"TESTIMONIAL FROM REAL CUSTOMER: My living situation was really oppressive for a while there. My roommates did this thing where they sort of sucked the fun out of the air and filled it with their weird smells. I would just stay in my bedroom all day and sleep. I used this stuff, and now I'm all good.

"I lived inside of a whale, is the thing. My roommates were like...krill? My bedroom was this recess in the whale's stomach. Alright."

Once again, check this stuff out at 868valencia.org.

(Ok, Ron's B-day and my parents anniversary don't have any thing to do with pirates, but this is this sweet site that I have been meaning to post about and I wanted to give a shout out to mi padres and Ernie... Talk about killing one stone with two birds.)

Bathroom Signs!

Thanks Bob...
I was in the Provo Cafe Rio the other day and saw this piece of wisdom painted on the men's room wall.

Who is Bob Nilsen and what makes him think he is a tortilla expert? How many hand made tortillas has he even had?

I get it... Cafe Rio wants us to know that they have good tortillas - Heck, I even agree - I even understand them wanting to have that on their wall, but is the advertising any more effective if some guy I don't even know said the tortillas are the best in the world?

For all I know Bob has never even had a tortilla. He probably doesn't even know how to pronounce tortilla. I imagine the first time he tasted a Cafe Rio tortilla he turned to his wifey and said, "Daggum Shirl, these tort-tila things be good. They must be the best in the world..."

Thanks for the insight Bobby.

Please Read the Fine Print

Here is a picture of a very nice restroom in a restaurant here in the valley.

Very nice right? Obviously the last thing they want to do is put one of those tacky "All employees must wash hands before returning to work" signs, but, honestly, is this any better?

No, it is not better. This is tiny, looks like it came out of a fortune cookie, I don't know what the back ground is (burlap???), and I hate the typeface. How are employees even going to see it.

On a side note... how pathetic is it that there have to be signs to tell people to wash there hands?

Rawlins, that R-A-W-L-I-N-S

When you are at the dinner table and would like a soft, warm, round bread product to put butter on and eat with your meal, what do you do? Of course, you say, "please pass me a roll?" And if you were to spell roll, it would be R-O-L-L. And the word "in" is spelled I-N and we know what happens when you put an "s" on the end of a word.

Furthermore, when meat is uncooked it is what? Raw, that's R-A-W, raw.

We all know these things, yet some how when I say, "Hi, my name is Kenny Rawlins" people write down R-O-L-L-I-N-S, rather than R-A-W-L-I-N-S like it sounds. In what universe does that make sense? When I say "Kenny" they may as well write down "F-R-E-D". That makes about the same amount of sense to me. For the record:

R-A-W-L-I-N-S = Raw-l-ins
R-O-L-L-I-N-S = Roll-ins (as in, "I be rollin' in my 'Benz")

I blame the Collins; they prefer it be pronounced "Call-ins" because I don't think they wanted to be called "Coll-ins" because it would sound like "colons". Well, TDB (too dang bad), that is the phonetics of it and you will now have your name pronounced phonetically.

Oh, and BTW, there is no "g" in Rawlins. There is a distinct difference between "Rawlins" and "Rawlings".

On a more serious note...

On a serious note, I am not a huge fan of the Dave Matthews Band musically – I do like some songs – however, I thought that Dave Matthews had a great point in this interview with CNN.com:

"CNN: (speaking of politics in America) Everything has gone to such a frenzied pitch.

"Matthews: I think a lot of it has to be on the press. We give the podium to a lot of people who shouldn't have the podium. The message that's delivered the loudest and in the most entertaining way is the one that we're going to put on because that's what we want. We want ratings more than we want to deliver information. That's just where the culture's gotten.

"There's no way that Walter Cronkite, as a young journalist, no way Ed Murrow would be hired to do news today. Not a chance.

"CNN: Because they're too low-key? Because they're not bombastic?

"Matthews: Because they're thoughtful, and they're patient, and they're trying to tell you a truly balanced story. They're trying to impart information. I don't think that's the goal [now] because it's not a good business plan. ...

"Everyone's outraged all the time. Why are you outraged? There's war -- there's always been war, as long as most of us have been alive. There have always been people being abused, there's always been horrible things in the world. Why are we outraged? We should just be quiet and figure it out, and work it out together. ... There's no solution in Washington as long as people are shouting like that."

It drives me crazy when I watch or listen to the news and all I hear are people ranting and raving trying to cause a stir or a panic. It seems like ratings and "breaking" (or - unfortunately - making up) stories are valued more than being insightful, accurate, and trying to help solve problems.

Maybe I am being a bit extreme, but that is what if feels like. It seems like the media and the politicians feel it is better for them if the country is extremely polarized, so they do what the can to make every issue a polarizing issue.

I am tired of feeling like all I hear is the party line from politician and that every media personality is just looking to bolster their ratings at any cost.

I would like to feel like we are all looking for the best solutions to the problems we are facing - no matter where the idea comes from. Meaning, judge an idea based on the merits of the idea, not who the idea came from (or whether a "Dem" or "Rep" is below their name).

The World Almost Never Ends

I was reading in my stress management textbook:

"Another form of perspective happens when you see your stressful situation as neither the best nor the worst thing that has happened or will happen. This can give you great relief. When people overreact, they treat their stressful problem as the end of the world. It almost never is. You should try to see your stress as not the best, but also not the worst that can happen. In other words, it's manageable."

This is great advice and insight. Especially this little nugget about a problem being the end of the world - "It almost never is."

Wow, they really went out on a limb there, didn't they? Question - How many problems in the history of the world have been "the end of the world." Answer - Zero. So couldn't they have really said, "It never is"?

All they did was leave the door open for people to think that their problem is going to be the one that actually ends the world. How is that for stress relief.

Quite frankly, isn't the thing that makes problems problems the fact that they don't end the world; You have to deal with them?

Never the Worst

Haha, maybe my job is not so bad.

Thanks GNP.

A Chicken Nugget Revolution!

On July 6th and 7th, I blogged about my outrage over Wendy’s taking one of the nuggets out of the 5 piece nugget (making it a 4 piece nugget). Since then, every time I have gone to Wendy’s, I say, - strictly out of habit - “...and all have a 5 piece nugget” only to have them say, “we don’t have a 5 piece nugget anymore; will the 4 piece be alright?

Grrr... It happens every time!

Until yesterday that is... I finally remembered - “I will have a 4 piece nugget.” Imagine my surprise when I hear, “sir, we don’t have a 4 piece nugget. Only a 5 and 10 piece.”

Are you kidding me!

Apparently nobody liked the 4 piece idea, so Wendy’s brought back the good ol’ 5 piece. Which would be great if it were at the same great price. But alas, now the cost is $1.19.

The Revolution: Wendy's Select-a-Nugget

I have had enough. It is time for a revolution... A chicken nugget revolution that will change the way we order nuggets forever! I call upon Wendy’s to introduce the “Wendy's Select-a-Nugget”. It is simple:
-Each nugget is $.20
-Each customer orders the right number of nuggets for his or her needs.

If you are a 7 nugget person, you pay $1.40. If I am a 9 nugget guy, I pay $2.80. If some offensive lineman comes in and wants 24 nuggets, he drops $4.80 and his needs are met.

All a person has to say is: “I’ll have a 7 piece Wendy's Select-a-Nugget”. Easy Peazy Lemon Squeezy.

With this they can truly say, “Its waaaay better than fast food; its Wendy’s”.

Join with me in boycotting Wendy’s nuggets until the give us the true value of the Wendy's Select-a-Nugget.

Their OWN Website

Really, based on their current marketing efforts, this is the only logical step (click to see larger image):

I. Their website reads: "At Wendy's, we're unrivaled in our passion for giving people what they want -- and uncompromising in giving people what they deserve."

Well, how better to give people what they want and deserve than by giving people the number of nugget right for them? That's right - Wendy's Select-a-Nugget!

II. Wendy's already preaches the personalization; Shouldn't they take it to the next level? That's right Wendy's Select-a-Nugget!

III. This part is just messed up. Here they are advertising the five piece nugget for $0.99 even though that has not been a option for months. That is almost as cold as asking a guy how is girlfriend is the day after she dumped him just to see him fight back tears. That's harsh... really harsh.

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Valuable Life Lessons

A couple valuable life lessons:
1) never name any fantasy sports teams "undefeated"... Just don't mess with karma like that.

2) never go bungy jumping in Mexico... They just don't have the regulations.

My Utah Jazz Hat!!!!

I decided to embark on a little arts and crafts project on Friday. I have always liked the simplicity of the old Utah Jazz logo, but the color palette of the newest logo. A couple of months ago I recreated the old logo with the new colors and a slight variation of the "J"/basketball (to give it a newer feel) and on Friday I printed it out of fabric and sewed it on to a blank cap that I bought:

You can see the current and historic Jazz logos here.